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Location: Home > KeySolutions EAP > E-Zine Archive > Domestic Violence Domestic ViolenceThe American Medical Association defines domestic violence as an ongoing, debilitating experience of physical, psychological, and/or sexual abuse. According to the FBI, 1 out of every 4 women is a victim of domestic violence at least once in her lifetime. The leading cause of injury for women age 15 to 44 is domestic violence. In 55% of the cases where men are assaulting their partners, they are also assaulting their children. The battered mother may be suffering from such physical and psychological injuries that she cannot meet the needs of her children appropriately. Since the 1970's, significant efforts have been made to increase public understanding of domestic violence and to educate professionals about this problem. Through accounts from battered and formerly battered men and women, domestic violence is now understood to include a wide range of abusive behaviors including physical, sexual, economic, emotional and psychological. These behaviors are directed toward establishing and maintaining power and control over an intimate partner. Domestic violence affects people who are married, separated, divorced, living together, or dating, and people from all social, economic, racial, religious, and ethnic groups. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, but women are by far the most common victims. Children living in homes where a mother is abused are more likely to be abused themselves. Even if they are not, children who witness abuse are victims. How do I know if I am or have been a victim of domestic violence?Many victims don't think of themselves as "abused." They may not think of themselves as "battered." Many victims don't see the things their partners do to them as abusive, and they don't see them as a pattern. Abuse is about control. It is one person scaring another person into doing what he or she wants. It is not just one hit. It is a pattern of physical, emotional, sexual and/or economic abuse. It is usually a whole series of behaviors used to get and keep control. Abusive behaviors include:
Abuse is often a learned behavior. The tendency to use abuse as a control tactic is aggravated with the use of drugs and/or alcohol. The person who uses any form of violence to control or manipulate a partner often has low self-esteem, may refuse to accept responsibility for the violence, and may believe the violence is justified. Researchers have discovered that there is a pattern of abuse that occurs in violent family relationships. The pattern has three stages: Tension Building. The batterer may slam doors, break the victim's possessions or make threats. The victim tries to appease the batterer, but the tension continues to build. There is a breakdown in communication, and the victim may feel the need to placate the abuser. The Incident involves battering. Physical abuse, such as kicking or hitting, and/or emotional and/or sexual abuse may occur at this stage. The battering may last for a few minutes or several hours. Reconciliation or the 'Honeymoon Stage'. In a continued effort to exert power and control over the victim, the batterer becomes loving and apologetic. Gifts and convincing promises that it will never happen again are typical in this stage. The batterer often denies the abuse took place or that is wasn't as bad as the victim claims. The batterer will blame the victim for provoking the attack. Calm. The incident is "forgotten". No abuse is taking place and some of the promises that were made during reconciliation are being met. There is hope on the part of the victim that the abuse is over. The cycle of abuse can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships "fit" the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the reconciliation and calm stages may disappear. What can I do?If you or someone you know is involved in an abusive relationship here are some ways for you or that other person to be safe.
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